It is coming, and fast! 2 weeks from tonight I will be off a plane, out of the hotel and into my apartment. AH!
Being an alumni of the program has not shielded me from what my brain does best, get anxious and over think. It still has not hit me that I'm about to leave home for 5 months and to be honest, it probably won't happen til the night before where I'm trying to rearrange my suitcase a hundred times to make it all fit.
I'm starting to doubt, think and question. My mom tells me she won't be as worried this time around because I know what I'm getting into, last year was 100% unknown. But I feel like I'm more worried this year BECAUSE I have done the program before. I'm already pointing out the fact to myself that I'm going down completely alone. Last year a bunch of us from my school checked in at the same time, 3 of us ended up working together so I already had a net of people to fall back on. This time it's just me, all my friends are already down there and now I'm the only one from my school checking in on July 8th.
and then because of that, what about my coworkers? I've tried searching for my location but because it's backstage there's hardly anything, I can't even picture it. and now I go into a workplace not knowing anyone. Again, I'm on my own.
and I just keep thinking of all the things that can make this different than the last one. What if I don't get Patterson and get Vista? What if my roommates are horrible? What if I make no friends? What if this program makes me reevaluate practically my entire life and my career? They always say you should be able to picture yourself where you're going. I can't see myself boarding a plane or moving into a new apartment or going to Traditions again or even seeing New Fantasyland for the first time, it's like it's not even going to happen. But I went through this last year too. My brain just makes things way more complicated than they are and very very annoying.
but I stumbled across something on my tumblr today that made me feel a little bit better. I absolutely adore Julie Andrews, Mary Poppins, The Princess Diaries, and The Sound of Music are three of my favorite films and she has just always been someone I have admired. She has been a living projection of nothing but grace, class, courage and strength. So why, of all people, would Julie Andrews show...fear? Well, this was my little pick me up today:
It's ok that I'm scared, it's normal. This post is getting a bit long but I'm sure somewhere in the near future I will use my Rapunzel waiting for the lanterns analogy. My return to the DCP is Julie's return to Broadway, although hers is obviously a more significant feat. But my fear won't stop me from boarding the plane or make me chicken out at check-in, it will just give me more drive to go forth and prove myself wrong.
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