Where's the Castle?

Before I get back into catching up on old posts and filling you guys in on what else happened on my program (so much for this being a live blog huh!) I guess it's time for another current post.

I'm home. Actually, I'm not even home. I'm in my dorm at school.
Yeah.

My second program ended 11/22, that morning I was flying home and I touched down in NJ before it was even noon.

Did I enjoy seeing my family? Absolutely. I hadn't seen my mom and brother since their visit in August and I hadn't seen my dad and dog since I left in July. It was nice to see my whole family again. I got to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family and that was really really nice.

 I mean really, why miss my brother attacking my grandma with Elmo?

And I've been back at my job back home. When I'm home I bake for ShopRite in their commissary. We bake for 30 ShopRites and I work in the patisserie department and I really do enjoy it. We do entremets, cakes, tarts, a bunch of things I enjoy doing. and it was nice being back. It was weird because I left right after 4th of July was over and then I came back to help for Thanksgiving. It seemed so long but so short at the same time.

but? I miss Disney. I mean, of course I do. When my dad drops me off at work it's in front a brick building. When I would walk to work I got to pass Spaceship Earth, hear Test Track and see everyone so happy. I thoroughly enjoyed going to work and I enjoyed working with the people that I did. I loved putting on the nametag every morning that said "Where Dreams Come True" because mine was coming true by putting it on. 

As I Campus Rep, I am guilty of it too. We preach to people how great the DCP is, we show everyone all these great pictures and videos of our time here, we talk about what it's like to work for Disney and having your co-Cast Members become your friends, going to the parks for free on your day off, and all of the fun things about the life-changing DCP. But we always skirt around the fact that yeah, you have to leave. There's going to be your departure day where all of a sudden you have to pack up everything and leave. But Disney World will go on without you. The 3 o'clock parade will still happen at 3 o'clock (shocker!) and Mickey Mouse will still be greeting people and someone will always be screaming on Tower of Terror. While you're probably sitting at home wrapped up in your Disney blanket watching Disney movies and crying as you stuff your face with junk food. Or is that just me?

I had the time of my life on my first program last year at the Polynesian, I thought how could it get any better. But this program exceeded it all. I came down for 5 months instead of 3, I had family dinners with friends, lucked out with nice roommates again, I got to work with really great people doing really great things, tour the castle suite and AK, ate around the world, I got to go to Universal Studios, and I even had a Disney vacation in between with my mom and brother. Did I make money on this internship? Probably not a lot. But I wouldn't take a dime back because it was all worth it.

This place is my home. I lost my childhood home and the Breezy home last year so when I think of home now, I see a castle. I see Spaceship earth. Walt Disney World IS my home. Being here is a feeling all of it's own. I swipe my card (or should I say touch the Mickey head and press my finger until the light turns green?) and all my worries stay at the gate. I run to Mickey for a hug when I need it, I watch the MSEP when I need to smile. Whether it's been obvious or not, I haven't been myself since last year. I haven't been the same physically or mentally. Whether someone would label it as depression or anxiety, it's not easy and it hasn't been fun. When I look at the year in between my programs, I don't want to remember it. There's been a lot of crying, a lot of legitimate break downs, a lot of sleeping the days away because I don't want to bother with being awake to face them, a lot of bad thoughts. and knowing that I couldn't go to Mickey for that hug or tap my foot to the MSEP jingle made it even worse. Clicking your heels 3 times is only something that works in the movies and finding yourself curled up in the corner of your bed rocking back and forth crying your eyes out doesn't get you there either.  I'm petrified of the year ahead, scared shitless. I feel like there's only room to get worse because heck, if I missed the 1st program so much, what's missing this one going to be like?

Leaving WDW after a CP isn't like leaving it after a weeks vacation. We get this place at our fingertips. I could go to China for lunch before work, I could go snorkeling with fishes in Typhoon Lagoon on my day off, and watch world class entertainment anytime that I want. I get to put a WDW name tag on everyday, I get to call myself a Cast Member for a company that I adore that was started by a man that I admire so much. It gets to be my life. and then we have to move on with ours without it.

But I'll be back. Next fall, I'll be back. Once you're in the CM bubble, you don't ever want it to pop. You can't imagine not getting a discount, you can't imagine paying for park tickets, you can't imagine not working for a place where dreams come true.Was I excited to see my friends and family and go home for the holidays? Absolutely. But did I want to leave? Absolutely not. I know this is where I'm meant to be, I just wish God made Florida and New Jersey a little closer together so it wouldn't be so damn hard.