So far it is already a vast contrast from last year's 'Disney Eve'. I remember packing in the living room of my old house and then that night crying with my mom in the kitchen. I was an absolute mess and she just held me as I let it all out. This is what I called my "Rapunzel Waiting for the Lights Moment"
But instead of a really hot guy giving me the advice in a boat, it was my mom in our pajamas in the kitchen. I was asking every question, voicing every concern: "What is my roommates don't like me? What if I don't like Disney anymore? What if my chefs hate me or I mess up? What if I find out this isn't for me?" you name it, I was worried about it. I had heard that the Disney programs were the best months of your life, what if they weren't? What if I was that one rotten egg? BUT then what if they were the best? How do you just pick up and move on after that?
Needless to say, my worrying was unnecessary, I ended up having a great time and finding another new dream within the same company that I love. I haven't found myself crying in my mom's arms though tonight. I cried on the couch with my dog earlier but that has been the extent of it. But to be honest, I am terrified. Terrified because I know what to expect and now I find myself in the same boat, what if it's worse than last time? and then what if it's better? This time it's 5 months, the longest I have ever been away from home. I know it's not much compared to some but for a little small town America girl like me who is close to her family, it's a lot. For some bizarre reason I have found myself asking "What if I don't like Disney anymore? What if I get tired of it?" Like really? REALLY MEG? But I feel like because I'm still so rocky mentally, my brain is just clouding up every positive thought I could be having right now. Sometimes I just wish my brain had an off switch (and a super reboot switch so I can actually remember things for tests!) so I can just do something with a clear head for once.
But regardless of how well my brain is working or how I'm feeling, I'm boarding a plane later. I may not be crying now but I will be an absolute wreck later. I can't sugar coat that from y'all, you will have an amazing program ahead of you but getting through the departure day is hard. I hate goodbyes, I hate knowing I won't be petting my dog for a while or that I won't walk downstairs to read the papers with my dad listening to Jersey radio on the weekends, or that I can't go grocery shopping with my mom after work for a while, it's the little things. But I'm happy knowing that I will at least be seeing them soon. If all goes well financially (which it hasn't for 4 years so fingers crossed) I will see my dad and brother at the end of next month and my mom next September. My mom and I have vowed to be skinnier the next time we see each other (this came about after an intense breakdown in a fitting room I had this week), I vowed to myself to get back on track.
So blogger, maybe I'll do a post from the gate or something but chances are it will be from Orlando!
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